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8 Practical Ways to Bridge the Distance in the First Year
We will never forget the day our daughter and her husband stopped by with a little gift bag bearing our names for ‘no reason at all’. Inside we found a little rubber duck and the tiniest socks ever. Our worlds changed from that moment on. We were going to be grandparents!
Over the next months, I helped clean out an office in their home that would become the nursery, and drove our daughter around when the roads were bad and her due date had come and gone.
Then the sweetest little girl arrived and captured our hearts. We were thrilled to be able to see her so frequently. We would babysit so her parents could have just an hour or two to themselves, and snuggle and smell that sweet baby smell as we literally watched her grow.
Two Years Later
We received a phone call from their home which is now three hours away. They called to let us know that we were going to be grandparents for the 2nd time!
Believe me, this announcement was just as exciting as the first, but we knew this would look different. Our first granddaughter was 13 months old when they moved away, and we had that whole first year to embed our existence into her heart. How could we make that happen from a distance?
We were fortunate to be able to make the drive and meet this new little girl right after she arrived. We spent a few days helping them get settled as a family of four and then, with plenty of tears on all sides, we said ‘see you soon’ and headed home.
Today
It’s only been 6 weeks since that day, and I am sure feeling the difference. I miss those frequent visits we enjoyed with our first grandchild. Babies change and develop so quickly, I am often astounded by the pictures I receive. “Is this really her?” She looks so different! When did she learn to smile like that?
I am realizing the need to be more intentional than ever in order to build a relationship with her in this first year. But what does that look like, and does it really work? It could be so easy to allow time to slip by until she is older and can interact more, because after all we also have that amazing three year old granddaughter who is always ready to ‘hang out’ virtually.
So I’ve done a little studying on being a long distance grandparent in that special first year, and I’m encouraged!
Research is showing that video chats really can help grandparents build relationships with their grandkids. Michael Rich MC MPH, in ‘Thriving: Boston Children’s Hospital’s Pediatrics Health Blog’ states that “researchers have found that as early as six months of age, babies are able to tell when a person on a screen is interacting with them in real time”.
He goes on to explain that “this means babies can start forming relationships through video chat with others who live far away, especially if the chats are facilitated by the adult who is physically with them”. For example, explaining to baby that they are talking with grandma.
Yep! This is great news! And with that in mind, we’re sharing some ideas from the #First Things Blog to use while you chat.
Ideas for Grandparents While Virtually Chatting with Grand Babies
- Give screen kisses
- Share food – Babies enjoy sharing things through the screen, especially food. So even though you might feel ridicoulous, accept the gift and ‘eat it’.
- Tell bedtime stories – they suggest reading a book while the parent is holding the same book for them to see the pictures. Describe the pictures in detail.
- Get at eye level – have the parent position the baby so that eye contact with you is as natural as possible.
- Be consistent – make video chatting a regular event. Something that’s just part of normal life.
- Work with the technology – mobile is better than desktop for the baby. When it comes to a all the buttons at a desktop computer. If a glitch arises, just explain that the internet isn’t working and you’ll try again later.
How Parents Can Help
We believe that your adult children want you to have a great relationship with their kids, so enlist their help! In ‘The Family Room’ a mom and dad living hours away from both sets of grandparents shared a couple of ideas in addition to face time and special visits. I’m passing these on to you and to my daughter too!
Forward Daily Sheets – If the grandbabies are in daycare and receive daily sheets ask them to forward them to you. This couple said their parents are appreciating seeing their infants daily routine and how the activites change from day to day.
Book of Faces – There are so many great options for photo books these days. Parents could create a picture book for their child that has the names and photos of all their family members. Offer to help with this one, or at least send pictures. You could also just have pictures laminated individually and mail them.
We like chatbooks for this. We’ve made a few books and the ones of trips our family takes together we have an extra copy made and send it to our grandkids. Morgan (our oldest granddaughter) loves to “read the pictures” and even takes them to bed with her. The books are inexpensive, depending on how many pictures you want in the book, and super easy to make!
In Comm 100 we addressed some ground rules for grandparenting. Trust me, there are days when I need to go back and get a refresher! It’s so important for us to keep in mind that our relationship with our adult children is important. It’s also key to our time with the grandkids. They help you bridge the distance with these precious little ones so be sure to show your appreciation and cheer them on again and again.
At the end of the day, yes, our relationship with this new little baby will be different than the first. However the times we have together virtually will still be sweet, and the possibilities of connecting from a distance will continue to grow. We look forward to sharing those ideas with you and hearing how you bridge the distance with your own grandkids!
