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Do You Remember the Time When…
I will always remember the story about the time my mom dropped her camera overboard when my brothers were young. They say that’s why there aren’t a lot of pictures of the middle child in our family.
Or there was the time my husband’s grandma told us that early in their marriage they did not have a refrigerator so she could only buy perishable items that could be used right away.
Then there was the year that someone provided a Christmas tree and gifts for my dad’s family because times were tough.
Of course the story of dad kissing mom on the top of the head in the 2nd grade is always a favorite!
There’s an often repeated story about my husband and his brothers having a water fight – in the house—while his parents were gone (yes, there were regrets by all kids involved).
We often tell the story of our first years of marriage when we lived in a tiny house that was so poorly insulated ice formed on the inside of the windows.
The Importance of Building Relationships
As we thought about our ‘why’ when we created Over the River, we quickly landed on the importance of building lasting relationships. And we kneww we needed to figure out how to do it no matter the distance. Our goal has been, and will always be, to provide simple resources to help create a rich heritage that will be passed down far beyond our lifetimes – literally, a history worth repeating. We believe stories play a large role in that history.
Stories have played a huge part in civilization. They were carved into walls, inscribed on tablets, written in scrolls, carefully penned with ink, and later typed on typewriters, entered in computers, and dictated onto cassettes. Now they are filmed with our phones. Research describing their impact on the future generation is well documented!
Sharing family stories is so fun that we tend to do it automatically, but research gives us some incentive to do it with intentionality! Have you heard about the do-you-know-scale? It is a study out of Emory University by psychologists Robyn Fivush, Ph.D., and Marshall Duke, Ph.D.
The Do-You-Know-Scale
This 20 question quiz was created to test the hypothesis that children who know more about their families do better when they are faced with challenges.
The results of the quiz were compared with a group of psychological tests also given to the children. The results? An article entitled The Importance & Benefits of Family Storytelling communicates that “The more that kids knew about the history of their family, the “stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned.”
Jonathan Douglas, director of the National Literacy Trust, in the same article states, “The stories children read in books help them to become part of other people’s worlds but the stories they hear from their family help them to understand their own world, who they are, where they come from and where they might want to go.”
Types of Stories
So let’s take a look at some of the types of stories that are told. In the AARP Blog Here Is Why You Should Share Family Stories, Mary W. Quigley teaches us about the differences between types of stories. She states that “Tales of regret are called “directive”; they help to guide behavior (don’t do as I did). A second type of story is “social bonding” (sharing a memory of playing a sport or cooking a family feast). The third type is ‘personal identity” (here’s the family stock you come from).
The Most Important Story
While all three story types are important and definitely have their place, stories that share the message ‘this is the family you came from’ have the most impact. These stories, that feature times when there was a challenge and how it was endured or overcome, are the type of story that our grandchildren will think back to when they are facing their own challenges. They won’t just remember a fictional story, they will be able to push through because they know a story based on facts they’ve been told about their own family.
If you’re wondering what those original 20 questions are, you can read through them here. This list can be a great way to trigger your memory of some significant events from your own life, or your grown kids lives.
Don’t feel like you have to set specific times for these conversations, view them as ‘history lessons’, or march your way through the list. Being aware of the questions will help you relate history to present day events in everyday conversations. Also, don’t hesitate to relate your grandkid’s current way of approaching life to someone else in the family. It’s a great way to establish connections between generations!
Stories are Opportunities
Robert Carnes, in The Impact of Telling Kids Stories Over Time shares that when you share stories with kids “it opens up the opportunity for relationship. Because of the power of story, the storyteller plays an important role in the life of a child. And this is a responsibility you shouldn’t take lightly’. He goes on to say “Telling stories to kids gives them a better perspective on their culture and community. It engages their imagination and builds empathy with others.”
What an opportunity we have! Each of us has a story to tell that is beneficial for our grandkids and each of us can tell that story no matter how great the distance is between ourselves and our grandkids. Most importantly sharing those stories will be a benefit for us, for them, and for future generations because one day they will look at their grandkids and say “Do you remember the story about …?”. It’s definitely history worth repeating!
