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Fall is definitely in the air. And if there aren’t cool mornings and evenings where you live, I’m sure there are plenty of other signs of the season, including school buses, pumpkin lattes, and grandkids with complex schedules!
I think back to this time of year when my own kids would head back to school…and then in later years head back to college. It was exciting, and a little bit daunting as well. School supplies, maybe some new school clothes, sports physicals, sports practices, band practices, school pictures, meeting your roommate in the dorm, and signing up for classes were all part of the to-do lists.
It seemed like there just weren’t enough hours in the day for any of us! But eventually, even though our schedules remained as full as ever, we all settled into a school year rhythm.
As a grandparent you may be experiencing a little less communication, and perhaps less time for weekend visits or spur of the moment events. It’s important to remember what it is like to establish schedules this time of year, and to find ways to encourage and support our grown children and their kids, as they do their best to get the year going smoothly.
Here are 6 ways to get this season off to a great start.
- Be Flexible
Between all of their schedules, and what we have going on in our own lives, it can be hard to get everyone together on one square of the calendar. As they say, even the best laid plans often go awry. Use your pencil on that calendar, and be ready to come up with Plan B.
2. Let Them Know Your Plans
As excited as we might be to surprise the grandkids (and their parents) with a visit, without specific permission to ‘drop by anytime’ this idea could end up causing stress, guilt, and rejection if their plans aren’t adaptable to our presence. So make sure someone is signing off on the plans!
3. Do Your Homework
Ask parents to send you their kids schedules, and check out the school or university calendar online. Do your grandkids’ schools have a presence on facebook or instagram? Follow those schools on social media. Are they on a sports team for their school that reports to a local newspaper? Subscribe in print or online and track their league!
Keeping up with school schedules and happenings will give you lots to talk about when you do get the chance. And sometimes just knowing what they are doing, even if it is from a third party source can make your heart a little happier. It may remind you to say a little prayer for something you know will be hard, and will help you feel a bit more connected too!
4. Keep It Simple
Look for simple ways to connect. The temptation could be that because we may be connecting a little less often, that we make the time we do get more complex!
If you score a visit with your grandkids, keep expectations and plans simple. Allow them to take the lead, and offer to do whatever they have planned, or simply relax if there is nothing planned at all!
If you can’t make an in person visit part of the plans, look for a quick opportunity to facetime for a few minutes, or send a timely text based on their schedules.
5. Communicate Your Needs
“What about me?” It’s a great question and one that must be navigated carefully. It’s easy to put kids and grandkids on the defensive when the first words out of our mouths are “Why haven’t you called?” In the article Is Your Grand Too Busy to Connect, Jerry Witkovsky gives some great advice.
He describes that when you hear they are ‘too busy’, it is an opportunity to say you understand, to acknowledge the pressure they are under, and invite them to share what is going on. It also opens the door for you to share what needs you have as well. Feel free to tell them that receiving a text from them “feels like a hug”.
Witkovsky further states that “A grandparent can help get the conversation on the right track by recognizing what “busy” really means…it could be deeper anxiety about schoolwork and life demands. And you can find that out and offer support if you don’t focus on the guilt of not calling. Preaching is a one-way street, while teaching runs both ways.
Grandparents who set the teaching tone open the conversation and enjoy the love flowing back and forth.”
6. Go Heavy on Grace
A recent article by Sarah Anderson, 4 Tips to start off the School Year, was a great reminder of what it’s like to shift from summer schedules to school schedules, and I would encourage you to check it out!
The article contains tips for parents, but as I read through them I realized that not only would they be great to share with parents, but that I can apply them to myself in my relationship with my kids and grandkids.
The suggestions include identifying your stresses, finding ways to connect, using intentional language to make sure the most important things are being communicated, and to plan simple and fun breaks based on the school calendar.
The last tip though, made the most impact on me and that is how important it is to go heavy on grace. Sarah states, “Change is hard for everyone. For both parents and kids.” (And grandparents!!)
“But we can choose to show a lot of compassion to our kids and ourselves as we work at creating a new normal. No one is doing it perfectly. No one’s morning is seamless. No one is void of emotion or anxiety heading into the start of a new year. So go easy on yourself and the people around you.”
So here’s to following crazy schedules, and connecting in new ways. I hope you’ll take a few moments, enjoy something pumpkin flavored and ponder what that might look like for your family this Fall!