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They are changing rapidly. And that means the way we grandparent needs some adjusting too. Our relationship with them needs to stay up to date! So today we’re looking at four ways to pursue continued relationship when connecting with your teen grandkids.
Remember the day you were given the news you were going to be a grandparent? (I remember sitting in our living room opening a little gift bag containing a baby rubber ducky as if it were yesterday!)
Then come the slow months of waiting for baby’s arrival.
However, after that point, time begins to move at warp speed, and suddenly you are the grandparent of a teenager, or at very least a ‘tween’ ager. You want to stay connected, but it feels somehow harder as they get older.
Keep these four foundational principles in mind when connecting with your teen grandkids and it may just help you get the ball rolling!
Understand Their World
We grandparents love to talk about how things were ‘back in our day’. And those conversations can be fun and quite meaningful.
However, we aren’t ever going back, and it is well worth our efforts to learn about how things work, and what is important to our teenage grandkids today.
Here are some things to learn about:
- Their clothing style
- The type of music they enjoy.
- What is a typical day of school like?
- Who are their role models?
- What types of things do they enjoy doing with friends?
RELATED: Conversation Starters for Teenage Grandkids
Change With the Times
Oh change is hard, but so worth it. Let’s be realistic, the days of our grandkids clamoring for our attention have faded. If we aren’t open to changing the way we interact with our grandkids as they get older, our chances of continued relationship are greatly diminished.
Think of ways to pursue the same thing differently, for example, when they were preschoolers we read them stories, as they get older, discover how they get their ‘content’. Do they read physical books? Digital? Listen to podcasts? Find out the what and the how and give it a try yourself. Instant conversation starter!
Don’t Always Say What You’re Thinking!
As you learn about their world, and their choices, resist with everything in you to always say what you think.
When it comes to connecting with your teen, remember that not every argument needs argued.
Nothing will shut down connections more quickly than a grandparent who routinely criticizes the things grandkids share with them. It won’t take long before they just go silent. And that is a lose lose all around.
Learn to be an Active Listener
I looked back over some active listening techniques that will help us keep the conversation about our grandkids, not us.
If we can learn to really listen, and not just filter through our own experience it will help us put our grandkids best interests at heart.
This quote from Mark Gregston has really made an impression on me. “A good listener has the ability to let people know they matter without saying a word.”
So what does active listening look like?
- Inviting them ‘over’ – this might look like a physical visit or a FaceTime call. Be physically present so they will be assured you are truly listening.
- Be ready to listen ‘now’. One of my favorite words of advise to parents as their kids are growing up is that they won’t need you less, they’ll need you differently. The same goes for grandparenting – even when our interactions may become less frequent, we need to make listening to them an absolute priority.
- Learn what it means to understand. There will be viewpoints and activities we just don’t agree with. Resist the temptation to use accusatory language in your response. Instead of ‘Are you kidding me?” Or “That’s just wrong.” Substitue responses that can move a conversation forward, such as “That’s interesting.” “I’ve never thought of it like that…tell me more about how you came to your decision.”
- Don’t correct or interrupt. Our grandkids aren’t going to be excited about conversations that continually pour out a large dose of correction.
- Repeat back what you hear. (Reflective listening). It’s a great way to keep conversations on track. Also take the opportunity to gain additional insight into their lives by occasionally rephrasing their statements into questions.
Connecting With Your Teen Grandkids
Yes, today’s busy teen lives in a world that might be full of viewpoints and things quite different from the way we grew up, and makes pursing relationship more challenging.
But rising to the challenge is so important, because in a world full of incredible pressures, you have an incredible opportunity to be a place of wisdom and rest as you pursue relationship with your teenage grandkids.