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One of the questions we get asked most often is how do I stay connected with my grandkids when they’re just so busy?
Especially at this time of year when kids are starting back to school and the pace of life has picked up. We wonder deep down…will they have time for me?
To be honest, our family goes through times of being super connected, talking multiple times a week, and playing games while video chatting. And then, weeks at a time might go by without a single FaceTime call.
So if you’ve ever wondered if they have time for you I can assure you that you are not alone!
Also, let me emphasize that your grandkids busy schedules (and lack of time in general) is not a reflection of how fun you are as a grandparent. There are days I can tell myself all kinds of stories that simply aren’t true, and the goal of today’s post is to choose a strategy that I can use during those times.
My daughter Amanda is writing the post from the perspective of what we refer to as “your grown kid”. She has some insight in this area that I think will benefit all of us – myself included!
Here we go!
The Family Wheel
Amanda here! I have some insight into family rhythms as well as some very practical tips on what to do when you find yourself in one of the “we don’t have time” seasons. My hope is that it will help you stay connected and help you feel valuable in the lives of your family members.
First I want to talk about a tool that my mom Susan and I have used for years in our work with families. This tool is called the Annual Family Wheel from Orange Leaders. In this post we have made our own wheel for grandparnets. Here’s how it works.
Picture the entire year divided into four seasons on a wheel: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. There are things that fall nautrally into each part of the wheel for your grown kids and grandkids during each season. Understanding this Family Wheel will help you as a grandparent to have perspective, and to be mindful as you seek to connect with your grandkids.
Download the grandparenting wheel here! ??
Let’s talk about Spring first. Spring is what is called the long haul.
Spring
Families are trying their best to stay focused. The weather is getting warmer, kids are in school for a longer stretch of time without days off and we are being asked to do. it. all.
“Fill out this permission slip, complete your volunteer hours, have you signed your kid up for camp this summer? Johnny didn’t tell you he’s is in charge of the class pet this week? Sally’s final project is past due” and on and on and on.
Oh, don’t you remember it? It sounds similar to the start of the school year but without the excitement. We’re all just counting down the days and our patience is wearing thin.
Summer
And then…finally… we welcome Summer! Summer is when we recharge! Fewer schedules, less routine, later alarm clocks, warmer weather, our bucket list is created, and then…Fall comes.
Fall
Fall is actually more of a new year for families than the actual new year is! Many of us have been enjoying a more relaxed lifestyle and now we crave routines. We want schedules, we sign up for this, that, and everything else.
“Want me to volunteer in my kid’s classroom? Sure! Need me to coordinate the 5th-grade bake sale to raise money for camp? Sure! Do you need an assistant coach? We can make that work!”
Now, I hope you hear a bit of sarcasm in there but the point remains the same – it’s a fresh start and as parents, we have a desire to have the best school year ever. And with the best of intentions, I may overbook or overschedule.
I have to admit, when I overbook myself, I wish soooo badly that my mom was here to save me. I call my mom and say “If you lived here you could help me live my crazy life!”
Winter
Then along comes Winter with the excitement of the holidays, and the actual new year, but with the benefit of a routine that is largely already in place.
Know the Wheel. No Story Telling!
By understanding the family wheel it’s a lot easier to see the times of year that are demanding. These are the times when you as grandparents might feel a little left out, or think that the “long-distance” is just too distant, or that they must be having fun with ‘the other grandparent’.
It’s when you begin to make up your own stories.
I want you to think of yourself in a different role this school year. I hope you will choose to be known as “the consistent grandparent”.
It’s a great way to get through the seasons that come with a little less connection, even though we may not be able to give as much back to you as we would like.
But believe me when I say your actions are not lost on your grown kids or your grandkids. Your consistency will be part of the legacy that only you can share!
A Plan for Consistency – Tip # 1
Now let’s take this one step further and get super practical. Here’s your plan for consistency. Depending on the age of your grandkids, your budget, and how close you are with your grown kids or their spouses, you can pick one of the following things to do each week:
-Send a text
-Send an email
And one more thing… if you choose a care package, sending something that doesn’t take any prep on our end is amazing!
I have a friend whose mother-in-law sends actual lists of what she thinks her grandkids should do. It feels like work to her or that she isn’t doing a good enough job as a parent.
I know that’s not the intention, but sometimes that’s how it comes across.
When you send something, please know that if I don’t reply right away it’s not because we’re not excited to hear from you. We are so, so very grateful for your support and encouragement.
A Plan for Consistency – Tip # 2
The second practical tip during busy seasons is to keep it short and sweet when you do get the opportunity to FaceTime, zoom, or otherwise connect. When we can set the timer to do something fun in just 5 minutes, it becomes a fabulous break! Using one of the 5 Minute Connection Ideas would be a perfect fit.
Back to Susan
“Phew!” Amanda has a lot of words – and they are good for me to listen to!
Sometimes, especially as a long distance grandparent, I can forget all that she does in a day. We have had a fabulous summer, and were able to visit in person several times, but as we head into Fall, I am going to take a bit of time, and map out my consistent connection plan for the upcoming weeks.
I hope you will do the same.
You know what this season holds for your family, and can adjust these ideas accordingly. If you are new at connecting consistently, I encourage you to pick something very simple to get started.
The joy of a ‘thinking of you’ or ‘have a good day’ text once a week is not to be overlooked!
Grandparents, we are important, and we have an important place to play in making this school year ‘grand’ as well!
We’re thinking of all of you as we head into this busy Fall season.