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I grew up watching Mr. Rogers Neigborhood. And I loved it. The music would begin, Mr Rogers would switch into his comfy sweater and tennis shoes, and it really seemed he did all that to get ready to spend time with me! He would share stories about helpers, and how we should treat others. And oh! How I loved the little trolley that took us to the Neighborhood of Make Believe.
On one of my visits to the grandkids, I was introduced to Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood. And I was instantly in love with the strikingly familiar theme song, and this show that features the children of the characters in the original Neighborhood of Make Believe. It is a wonderful creation geared for preschoolers (and apparently me) that teaches emotional intelligence, kindness, and human respect.
The creator of Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, Angela Sontomero, inspired by her mentor Fred Rogers authored the book, Radical Kindness. She believes that “through radical kindness—toward ourselves, with loved ones and to the world at large—we can transform ourselves, our neighborhood, and our world for the better.”
We’re going to take a look at just one chapter from the book, called ‘Kindness to Family and Friends’.
In This Post
Building Strong Relationships
Sontomero writes that “the loving relationships we forge with others make our lives worth living. So, we owe it to ourselves and to our loved ones to nurture those relationships with kindness. After all, each of us shares the same need for love and compassion, and the same need to be seen, listened to, honored, and cared for.”
What a beautiful picture, but we also know that sometimes it’s the people closest to us – those we feel safest with – that we end up hurting, or who hurt us. However, if we take it one step at a time, the potential to build strong and loving relationships is possible! Let’s take a look at those steps!
Step 1: Notice
What does your family need? In our roadmap to grandparenting, we highlight consistency, mindfulness and spontaneity. Being mindful of what is going on in the lives of our family members, and responding to the things we learn, is the first step in extending kindness to them. We often wait for someone to let us know they need help, or are struggling. But if we are the ones watching, we just might be able to offer support before they make that request, or before they even realize they could use a little kindness!
Long Distance grandparents, this is a little tougher for us to be sure, but we can do it! Facetime is a great opportunity to notice a lot! How do faces look? Are our kids or grandkids surrrounded by piles of work? Is the conversation hurried because they need to get all the kids to different places? Do they sound or look stressed or depressed? Read the news – what is going on in their community? How is their weather? (I’m a firm believer that dreary weather can be dreary to my soul after a couple of days!) We don’t need to ask them a thousand questions we just need to take some notes of our notices.
Step 2: Act on What You See
It can be easy to take the people we love for granted. We can just assume they know we love them, and it can be all too easy to make a mental note ‘to show up tomorrow’. An author by the name of Gary Jansen has written a book called MicroShifts. In it, he explains that each of us has 1440 minutes each day. His challenge for the reader is to give away about 15 minutes, or 1% of our day. Imagine the kindness in the world if everyone did that! Research has shown that when someone witnesses an act of kindness, the impulse to be kind is activated in their own life. I can’t help but think of both the responsibility and opportunity I have as a grandma to model kindness. It’s an incredible way to influence our grandkids and our grown kids too!
On the webite, ameridisability.com there is a great post called ‘Teaching Grandkids About Kindness: Small Gestures to Put Smiles On Peoples’ Faces. It includes a list of 20 ideas to get grandkids (and I think ourselves!) started on acting on what we see. Granted, a few might need to be revised due to Covid guidelines, but I think you’ll find some great inspiration here!
Here are some of the ideas:
- Offer a compliment – teach kids how to notice and share what they like about someone or something
- Stand up for someone – be a friend to someone who is left out, or bullied
- Offer support – know someone going through a hard time? Maybe their pet died, or their family is struggling. Let them know you are available to help. Teach your grandkids that sometimes help looks like sitting with someone and listening.
- Bake cookies for someone.
- Buy a homeless person a meal, or donate to a homeless shelter.
- Hold the door for someone.
- Write out an apology to someone you’ve hurt.
- Help someone carry something.
- Write something nice on social media.
The Power of Gratitude
Santomero states “The goal of radical kindness is to let others know they matter, and what better way than to express gratitude for what that other person does in the world?” This really goes back to noticing, as we talked about earlier.
What are the ways I can thank my grown kids and grandkids?
At the end of a phone call – “Thank you for calling. We always love to hear your voice.”
When they head home after a visit – “Thank you so much for sharing your time with us!”
When they share their viewpoint – “Thank you so much for how you view things. It really helps me gain a new perspective!”
For the new ‘art’ – “Thank you so much for sharing your talent with others! It’s wonderful to use our skills to bless other people!”
Shaping the Next Generation
These steps are so doable, and by taking them we are helping to shape the next generation! Santomero ends her book with this. “Children are the future” sounds cliche’ but nothing could be truer. If you want the future world to be kinder, help children become kinder, better people, and that’s what will happen.” I’m all in!
“From a wise mind comes wise speech; the words of the wise are persuasive. Kind words are like honey — sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.”
Proverbs 16:23-24
