As an Amazon Services LLC Associate, some of these items contain affiliate links, meaning if you click a link and make a purchase, we earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Our recommendations are made to be genuinely helpful and useful.
Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation and Quality Time – these were the love languages we explored in Part 1 of this series. If you missed it, you’ll want to read it ‘here’, because being able to speak all of these languages is so important in our relationship with our grown kids and grand kids.
Now let’s keep diving in and talk about gifts and acts of service!
Gifts
The love language of gifts is a fun one for us as grandparents, right? We tend to speak it well! There are a number of things I think are important for us to remember when it comes to this language.
The first is that this language should never be on it’s own. A child can receive gift after gift, but if their emotional tanks aren’t being filled as well, these gifts may be meaningless or even resented.
The second thing to remember is that a gift is defined as something that is not earned. Gifts aren’t transactional, or based on behavior.
One of the most important things for us to remember is that gifts don’t need to be expensive. They don’t even need to be purchased! Our grandkids often demonstrate this truth to us as they present us with something special they have made or found.
Some of my most treasured memories are the dandelions my son chose for me right out of our front yard! Or the recipe card someone shares with me for a favorite dessert! For additional reading on grandparents and gifts, you can check out Santa Doesn’t Live Here – Checking Our Mindset.
With all of these things in mind, here are some tips for speaking the language of gift giving:
- Have a few small items in your purse or bag that you can give as a treat. These items can be a favorite snack, some stickers or a small toy car that are just perfect for the moment.
- Prepare a favorite meal, and invite your grown kids and grand kids over for dinner or dessert. Even if they have to eat and run, the gift of prepared food, and the lack of prep and cleanup are an amazing gift! It’s another great way to do the Grandma Door Dash as well – let them choose a day, and you’ll drop dinner at the door. If you live at a distance, you can be the door dash arranger, or gift card sender.
- If you are traveling, mail a small package for your grandchild from wherever you’re at.
- People who have gifts as their love language will incorporate the whole experience into the gift. How is it wrapped? Who am I with when I open it? How was it presented? Consider how you might be a part of the experience. Have a treasure hunt to find the gift, write some clues and send them ahead of time to build anticipation, use creative wrapping, join them on facetime for the big unwrapping. Remember, gifts don’t always need to be purchased. Consider sending a letter and printed photo of something your grandkids love, and it may be just as cherished!
- Create a special place in your home where your grandkids can keep treasures you have for them.
Acts of Service
Acts of Service is another language that is best given in conjunction with other love languages, such as quality time!
After all, we don’t want to give kids the impression that our purpose in their lives is to check off the to do list they hand us. When we signed up to be parents all those years ago, we automatically had a 24/7 contract for 18 years and beyond! Feeding, changing, clothing, cooking, driving, driving….have I mentioned driving?
With everything that is on a parents plate, it can sometimes be hard to hear that additional request! This is why I think grandparents are uniquely suited to express this particular love language. We are a bit removed from the day to day requirement of taking care of (serving) our kids.
And if it is our grown kids who have Acts of Service as their primary love language, the opportunities to jump in are almost endless!
Here are a few ideas – again, adapted from’ The 5 Love Languages of Children’ book:
- Set up toys while grandkids nap, or when you are preparing for their visit. When they wake up or arrive, everything is ready to go! They will notice you’ve taken the time to prepare for them.
- If they aren’t feeling well, offer to read stories – in person or virtually.
- Help them fix something that is broken.
- Prepare flashcards for an upcoming quiz, or let them practice their upcoming presentations on you.
- Choose something you can always do to serve them. Maybe it’s always having their favorite snack on hand – or routinely mailing it.
- Find a service project you can do together. For example, we mentioned A Million Thanks in our Sharing Goals With Grandkids post. Find something that is meaningful to them, and help them learn to serve.
Which language is most important to my grandchild (or grown child) ?
Here are some tips from ‘The Five Love Languages’ we can use for discovery. For younger kids, all of the love languages are important! As your grandkids get older, these clues may help you discover their primary language.
Watch how they express love to you or others around them. They may be speaking their own love language – Chapman and Campbell indicate this is especially true in kids between 5 and 10 years of age.
Do they always want to give something away? Are they always helping? Speaking kind words and encouraging others? Kids will assume that others feel the way they do when they receive those things.
What do your grandkids ask for most? Do they want you to “watch me!” (quality time), ask if you like the paper they wrote, or their new outfit? (words of affirmation). My granddaughter Morgan will ask to call me while she plays – we’re not even facetiming. I am simply ‘there’ as she does her thing and we chat (perhaps I am seeing a budding quality time preference?)
Play a practical real life Would You Rather game, with a choice between love languages. “Would you rather bake cookies together, or would you like to sit outside and I’ll bring you some lemonade?” (quality time/acts of service) “Would you rather play a hand clapping game, or watch a movie together?” (physical touch/quality time) “Would you rather find a surprise when you get here, or go to the store together?” (gifts/quality time) “Would you rather receive a treat in the mail, or a letter?” (gifts/words of affirmation)
Take the Quiz
If you would like to give the Love Language Quiz a try, you’ll find several categories here – for couples, singles, and kids (9-12 years of age).
Love Language Translator
We’ve also created a ‘love language translator’ as a quick reference to each language, that you can download below. You’ll find all the love languages and ideas in one place!
Here’s to becoming multi-lingual as we show love to our grown kids and grandkids!