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Tuesday was a devastating day for many families in Uvalde, Texas. In response to tragedy I have watched the news, and read the articles about so many young lives, and their dedicated teachers that were taken far too soon.
I can’t begin to imagine the heartbreak these families are experiencing. I can’t begin to understand. The truth is, we weren’t made to understand this.
As Amanda took the girls to pre-school and daycare yesterday, she drove past the Elementary School where she just finished her student teaching. She thought about the students and parents inside, and then noticed what was going on outside.
The sidewalks were becoming filled with parents walking their kids to school – many hand in hand. And there were many more than usual. It was all at once, a touching, yet heartbreaking scene to take in.
There will be plenty of discussion about the ‘solution’ to these tragedies (and this is important), but right now, I want to ask myself the question, “Who needs my hand in theirs today?” Is it my grown kids? My grandkids? The kid down the street?”
I watched an Instagram Story by Sissy Goff, an author and the Director of Child and Adolescent Counseling at Daystar Ministries, on responding to kids after tragedy. I would encourage you to view it if you have an Instagram Account (just search sissygoff).
She shared the following insights that were so very helpful to me, and I believe they may be helpful for you as your family navigates this heartwrenching event.
I am so grateful for people like Sissy Goff who share their experience and knowledge. It’s so important to have these tools!
How to Talk to Kids About Response to Tragedy – 8 Considerations
Be on the Same Page.
We want our grown kids to be the source for what their kids learn about the trajedy. However, some of you may be your grandchid’s first contact after school. Spend a bit of time getting on the same page as your grown kids about who shares what when tragedy occurs. Honor boundaries.
Let them Lead the Conversation.
After you share factual age appropriate facts, let them lead. Allow them to ask questions. Kids have this amazing ability to ask the questions they are ready to have answered.
Give them a Chance to Share their Feelings.
No feelings are wrong. And sometimes kids move through things quickly. Check in with them later. Allow them to move at their own pace when it comes to response to tragedy.
Talk About What They Know is Safe About Their School/Situation
They may be nervous about attending school. Have conversations about what they can do to be safe, and give them some anxiety tools. Let them know you are thinking and praying for them. Use the Mr. Rogers idea of looking for helpers – the teachers, law enforcement etc…think about all the people who helped.
Be a Helper
Help kids think of ways that they can be a helper. Is there a child who is sad? Alone? Think of ways to be a kind person to them. Pray for people who were affected.
Don’t Feel Like You Have to Have All the Answers.
There just aren’t answers for a lot of this. It’s ok to say I don’t know.
Be Aware of Your Own Emotions in Response to Tragedy.
As you are working through this be attentive to your own emotions. When our emotions are big, kids may shut down, or feel like they need to rise up and take care of you. We want them to feel safe in feeling and expressing their emotions.
Remind Them That God Loves Children and Teachers, and That He is Sad Too.
I believe that grandparents are uniquely situated to reach out and hold a hand, physically or metaphorically, when a crisis occurs.
It might look like just sitting in the same room, or sending a text that says we love them, and that we are always available if they want to talk. Might be pausing to say hello to the teen (or their parents) down the street and ask how their day is going. It might be letting them know we are thinking aout them and praying for them.
While the discussion about a solution to the brokenness in our world will continue on all “sides”, there is a generation watching us.
In response to tragedy I want to be remembered for extending a hand, and walking with someone through the tough stuff of living in this broken world.
I want to help influence a generation who feels a little less broken because of the love shown by their grandparents.
We are a generation who has walked through a lot, and have so much to offer – let’s do it with intentionality and love.