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Do you wonder what your relationship with your grandkids will look like as they get older? The bond between grandparents and grandchildren is so special. It’s worth working on with great intentionality.
What Happens When My Grandkids Grow Up?
Annual family gatherings play an important role in our family, and we have the great pleasure of hosting them.
Each time the kids in the family walk through my front door I think “Who are you? You’ve grown and changed so much!” You are taller! Your voice has changed!
Some of these ‘kids’ even drive themselves and bring ‘plus one’s’!
It seems like just yesterday they all headed for the playroom. Now they join adults in games and conversation.
Time truly flies.
I often wonder what it will be like when my grands, now just 3 and 6 years of age, will enter the pre-teen and older phase.
Will that bond that exists between grandparents and grandchildren remain strong as the years go by?
How will we connect?
What will relationship look like for us?
Grandparents, I am just as convinced that we are as needed when our grandkids become teens as when they are little.
I’ve shared with many parents as their kids enter the teen years, they don’t need you less, they just need you differently.
Here is some encouragement and of course practical action steps when it comes to keeping the bond between grandparents and grandchildren.
1. It’s All About the Relationship
As is true with all ages – it’s about the relationship. And as our kids get older, relationship looks different.
We so love the little kid stage when our grandkids are over the moon to spend time with us.
But as they get older, their social circles expand, and our interactions will become different.
It’s ok to grieve this change, but then it’s time for us to change too!
That time spent with them while they were little is paving the way for new ways of connecting.
2. Spend Time Listening
While the importance of listening doesn’t change as our grandkids get older, the opportunities to listen may be fewer.
So really honing in on any words that come out of their mouths is vital!
There will be days they have little to say, and days when the stories and life circumstances pour out.
Again, be ready to listen – give them your undivided time and attention.
For days when the words are few, you might want to try one of our conversation starters from this blog post.
In between connections, keep sending those ‘thinking of you’ and encouragement messages.
3. Cheer on Decision Making
As much as possible, affirm your grandkids ability to think through options and make their own age-appropriate decisions.
Ask them questions that may help them process their decisions.
Encourage them to talk with their parents, and let them know you’ll be thinking about them and how proud you are of them as they assume new responsibilities.
4. Learn About Their World
Oh my goodness – the world is SO much different now than even just a few years ago.
Some days we may feel completely out of touch and think that they will deem us irrelevant.
Not true! Just start asking questions.
Here are a few to get you started:
- Do you have social media accounts? Ask them questions about how it all works.
- Are your textbooks online?
- How do you connect with your friends?
- How do you make a playlist?
- Did you just say your friend is bougie? What does that mean?!
A very important point to remember….we are learning about their world.
Keep your sense of humor intact, and your opinions to yourself.
You may, however, find it a fun time to share how your world was different. Not better, not worse – just different.
Make sure you let them know how very fascinating you find their world now.
5. It’s Ok to Disagree
When kids are little, their favorite color might be purple. And ours might be green. And we disagree and move on.
As they (and we) get older, these differences in opinion tend to have the possibility of getting in the way of our relationship. This is a tough one!
We can let them know we disagree, and that it’s so important to think through how we arrive at our opinions and how glad we are that they are doing that.
We can ask them ‘How did you arrive at your decision/this position?’
And listen.
We can also say we aren’t going to argue about ‘this’ because of our love for them, and that there are so many more important parts to our relationship than this one area.
It’s important to remember that these conversations aren’t one-time events.
We don’t have to convince each other ‘now’ that our opinion is correct.
We can promise to think about their views and talk more later.
6. They Are Looking for Wisdom, Not Information
Kids today have no shortage of information.
We do not need to be one more source of data, at least not all in one discussion.
It’s hard to not want to solve their dilemma or give them answers in the moment.
The amazing truth though, is that they have been watching us for over a decade. Our lives speak to them far more than our words.
The way we help others, the way we go through hardships, the way we treat others, the way we grieve our losses, the way we persist in our goals – and the way we persist in pursuing relationship with them – is perhaps the greatest wisdom and gift we can pass on.
Facts
We all have teens in our lives. It could be your grandkids, nieces, and nephews, or maybe even the neighbor kid next door.
Our decades of life and experience are valuable assets!
Let’s use them to lead and encourage the next generation, and keep that bond between grandparents and grandchildren alive and well!