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Psychological Safety Part 1
Before I dive into creating a healthy place for your family to grow, I want to share with you how this topic came about.
Repurposing
One of the things that invigorates me is the accomplishment of repurposing something.
I am a fan of the blanket ladder, although we didn’t have a ladder, so we repurposed some closet rods and dowels to make one. Our entry closet is now a bench with hooks and storage. A shoe rack became a place to store hand weights. An old curriculum box is the perfect home for our grown son’s Thomas train set that is now loved by our granddaughters.
There is just something in me that always asks the question “Can this be used in another context?”
And while it is true for items around the house, it is equally true for the concepts I learn for my work. I always ask the question, “How can I apply this in my family?”.
The Fearless Organization
Recently I listened to a training by Amy Edmonson based on her book The Fearless Organization.
After reading the book, my co-workers and I gathered to talk through what we could do differently to foster a better working relationship with our team. (We are blessed to have a wonderful team, but there’s always room for growth!)
One of the challenges that each of us as leaders agreed on, was that sometimes we may come across as people who ‘question’ rather than support.
When that was stated it took some mental discipline on my part not to grab a pen and paper and begin to write this blog post then and there.
Curate An Atmosphere of Growth
So let’s take a look at Psychological Safety – from the perspective of our role as grandparents, and our adult children too.
I believe we can come up with some great ideas and questions to ask ourselves that will help us curate an atmosphere where we can learn, innovate and grow in our relational skills!
First of all, what is psychological safety? Edmondson explains that “Psychological safety is broadly defined as a climate in which people are comfortable expressing and being themselves.”.
Unfortunately I’ve read too many articles and facebook posts where the environment between a grandparent and grown child is more likely to be a place where one or the other experience lecturing, angry outbursts, endless rules, and blaming.
It leads people away from sharing life together rather than toward it. But this doesn’t have to be true for us. We can change or prevent it. We CAN create a healthy place for our families to grow. Let’s dive in.
4 Stages of Psychological Safety
Timothy R Cook authored a book titled ‘The 4 Stages of Psychological Safety’. We’re going to go through those stages in this week’s post, and next week we’ll be sharing six super practical ways we can work on being psychologically safe with our family.
Stage 1: Inclusion Safety
This is the most basic level and is simply the safety that comes from being connected and belonging to a group. When we experience inclusion safety we look forward to engaging with that group and feel good about ourselves. It should take an extreme reason to deny someone the experience of this level of safety.
Yet…..it happens….on both sides of the grandparent/grown child relationship.
“They moved and took my grandchildren away.”
“They moved to live on a golf course when they knew we needed help with the kids.”
And so, ‘they’ are out.
Stage 2: Learner Safety
Oh there is so much to learn about being a parent, and about being a grandparent! And when we have established inclusion safety, we can enthusiastically become learners. We can ask questions or try new ways of doing things without the fear of being made to feel dumb.
“Mom, how do you know when they are hungry vs tired?”
“Amanda (my daughter), can you show me again how you swaddle the baby?” I honestly can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked her to teach me this.
When we make mistakes (as we all do!), we can respond with resilience when we are in a safe learning environment.
Stage 3: Contributor Safety
People long to make a difference.
We want to use our experience and natural gifts to contribute to the people around us. Sounds like a grandparent’s dream right there!
However, if we are met with nothing but rules,
(picture the parents who show up with the ultra strict schedule and list of approved food and activities).
Or if we, the grandparents, constantly tell our grown kids how to raise their own children,
(“you aren’t doing that right. When you were little we didn’t do any of that.”)
no one will reach their potential.
Stage 4: Challenger Safety
Challenger safety provides a place where it’s okay to disagree, and it is also okay to say so. When it is done with respect, with a desire to learn and an appetite for innovation, it’s a win all around.
When challenger safety exists, we can ask why our kids parent a certain way. They can challenge us to text before calling to see if it’s a good time to connect. And when the conversation is done, we will experience deeper relationship. It’s such a good thing!
Dedication to Continued Growth
There’s nothing I want more as a parent and grandparent than being part of and contributing to our family. I am more in tune than ever to the importance of creating a healthy place for my family to grow together.
I’m also grateful that, just like the items I repurpose around the house, I can also be used in new ways as I continue to learn and grow.
Gaining understanding of these concepts will definitely play a part in that!
So stay tuned…next week we’ll be learning about 6 ways we can provide psychological safety for this team we call family.
A Fun Way to Connect with Grandkids
Until then…..I thought I’d share a fun repurposing idea you might want to try with your grandkids!
Start an upcycle or repurpose bin for when your grandkids visit. You could also take a tote of stuff with you when you visit them!
My son and daughter’s art teacher had a large shallow container filled with ‘stuff’. Each year they would have a unit on upcycled art, and it was a favorite!
I was amazed at the creativity that was unleashed by providing this opportunity!
Some ideas of items available were:
-rinsed out k-cups
-strips of cloth
-plastic garbage bags
-jar lids
-paper towel tubes
-CD cases
-electronic parts
-old remote controls
-colorful wire
…the list could go on forever.
This post from the Red Tricyle has some fun ideas to try!
Looking to dive deeper into this topic of creating a healthy place for your family to grow? Start with discovering what’s going through the minds of your grandkids and how you can connect at different stages of life. The phases blog posts list the big questions your preschool, elementary, middle school, and high school grandchildren are asking and how you can respond.
